Why do we get back together with our exes

 

✅Nostalgia

    We often get back together with our exes because of nostalgia. But most of the time we don't miss the person as such, but ourselves in that past relationship. If this is the case, it's always useful to analyze what exactly you miss. Maybe it's self-esteem? Or moral support?

➡️Example

    We don't miss going to the movies with them, we miss the feeling we had when we went to the movies.

All of these things can be acquired in other ways, without getting back into a relationship with an ex that ended for a reason.

✅I can't live without him/her

    Love addiction is a common phenomenon. It's a non-chemical addiction, like gambling or shopping addiction. There's a reaction in our brain that makes us think that a certain thing can make us happy - in this case, our ex-partner. If you are facing this problem, it is wise to look for the causes of the addictive behavior before deciding to get back together.

✅It is better than being alone

    Society often imposes certain beliefs on us. For example, it may seem that being alone is a sign that no one wants to be with you. So when a new relationship does not work out, we are tempted to get back together with our ex so that we do not end up alone. But a relationship based on the fear of loneliness cannot be happy or harmonious.

✅He/She will change

    People can change, of course. But real change requires hard work, professional help, or a life-changing event that divides life into a “before” and an “after”. Most often, the promise to change is based on guilt and people do not stick to it for long. Behind such a promise lies a short-term motivation. Therefore, the changes will also be short-term.

✅Habit

    A relationship can become a habit, and sometimes that habit becomes a bad one. Our brain loves stability, so it creates similar patterns for us - these patterns are convenient because they allow us to save energy, instead of wasting it on analyzing new information. So a relationship can be based on these good old patterns - we avoid the effort of getting used to a new person. But if you are not happy with a relationship, maybe it is time to create new patterns?

✅It was not so bad

    Our brain can also trick us into forgetting the dark side - the defense mechanisms of our psyche block unwanted painful memories to avoid re-traumatization. That is why we tend to remember the best

moments and forget the worst. But it is a trick! Don't give in.

✅Maybe it is worth it

    Sometimes getting back together is not such a bad idea. If both partners go to therapy and work through the trauma and negative core beliefs that caused problems in the relationship, why not?

    Negative life scripts that we often inherit from our parents prevent us from being happy or trusting our partners - the good news is that psychotherapy can fix this.

➡️Which of these reasons do you think is the most common?

➡️Can you think of other reasons why we get back together with our exes?

❤️In a relationship, we often seek approval, support and love, sometimes trying to satisfy needs that were neglected in childhood. Find a way to overcome your childhood trauma and start a happy and healthy relationship.

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