You have a strong
desire to meet someone you can get to know and perhaps marry. But your efforts
to find that person have been unsuccessful so far. The attempts of well-meaning
friends and family members to set you up with someone have not led to anything
positive, only to awkward situations, and this has made you even more
discouraged. So you are wondering whether you should use technology to
communicate.
Nowadays, when most people use computers, it may seem that finding a suitable partner is just a few clicks of the mouse. Some people say that all you have to do is log on to a Web page, chat room, or advertising site designed specifically for singles. One Internet dating agency claims that more than nine million people in 240 countries use their services.
Why does online
dating seem appealing?
Are you shy and
find it difficult to meet new people? Or are you afraid of being rejected? Or
do you simply feel that there is no suitable person where you live? If so,
online dating may seem appealing to you. One reason may be that such dating
agencies give you control over who you “date.” The special pages list different
age groups, countries, personality traits, and photos, as well as a nickname
that you can use. Because this gives you a choice, it may seem that online
dating is more productive and less stressful than in-person dating.
What is the real
story? Does dating online really lead to lasting happiness? Consider this: Over
a six-year period, eleven million people signed up with a dating agency. But
only 1,475 marriages took place. Another agency with over a million members
reports only 75 marriages! What’s the problem?
Does that give you a clear picture of who you are?
One newspaper reported: “On the Internet, everyone seems attractive, honest, and successful.” But how accurate is the information people give about themselves? Another article states: “It is accepted as a given that everyone lies a little.” The editor of a popular youth magazine conducted a study on this subject. She registered with three of the most popular dating websites and soon received several responses. So she began dating several men. What was the result? A complete failure! The men wrote outright lies about themselves. This woman warns: “I know from experience that they lie to you.”
It may seem like
a small thing to not tell the truth about how tall or how much you weigh. Some
might argue: “Looks aren’t that important.” That is true, but does lying about
relatively minor things really set a good foundation for a friendship? How sure
can you be about other things that person says about more important matters,
such as their personal goals? Yes, honesty is the foundation of a good
relationship that will continue to grow.
But dating
someone online often involves unrealistic fantasies. Users can carefully choose
their words in e-mail messages and present themselves in the best possible
light. The result is a positive response: they seem nice and interested in you,
so you are nice and interested in them. Under such circumstances, it is very
easy to develop a strong attachment to the other person. But as is often
observed, you cannot rely on this for a happy marriage. Your imagination fills
in the missing information with exactly what you want.
Meeting in Person
Some believe that
there are advantages to not meeting the other person right away. They think
that dating someone of the opposite sex online allows both parties to focus on
the person they are dating without being distracted by their appearance. The
problem, however, is that in a computer-based relationship, you cannot see the
other person’s gestures, smiles, or facial expressions. You cannot observe how
he or she treats others or how he or she behaves under stress. However, these
things are crucial when determining whether you can love and trust someone.
Love is shown in behavior, not in words. Therefore, you need to take the time
to observe a person and see if his or her actions match his or her words.
Without
understanding these important things, two people who are dating online often
start sharing their innermost feelings and thoughts with each other too early.
Ignoring the importance of caution, some quickly become committed to serious
commitments even though they barely know each other.
In the world of
imagination, when you date someone you If you only date online, feelings can run
high too early. This means that it’s easy to end up heartbroken if your
relationship fails—which is very likely. Yes, it’s not wise to make big
decisions based on your imagination and feelings.
The Dangers of Rushing In
It’s definitely unwise
to rush into a relationship if you don’t know much about the other person. The
writer Shakespeare said: “Hasty marriages seldom succeed.”
Unfortunately, many people who have tried online dating have found this to be true. But disappointment and hurt feelings aren’t the only dangers of online dating.
Other issues will be discussed in a future article.
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