"Gaslamp Light" is the title of a 1944 film starring Ingrid Bergman based on Patrick Hamilton's 1938 stage play of the same name. In it, the main character's husband changes various details in their home to make her question her perceptions and thinks he is going crazy - for example, he dims the gas lamps. From this plot, psychology borrowed the term gaslighting - "gas lighting" or "darkening". An extremely dangerous manipulative technique, in which the manipulator tries in every way to force the victim to doubt his sober judgment.
It is carried out slowly so that the victim does not realize that he is being affected. People using this technique do the following:
➤ They lie to you most brazenly
You know it's an outright lie. And yet they openly declare it to your face. Why are they so rude? Because they set a precedent. Once they tell you one giant lie, you won't be sure if everything else they tell you is true. The goal is to keep you insecure and unstable.
➤ They deny they did anything, even if you have proof
You know this guy said it... you know you heard it. But such people stubbornly deny. So stubborn that they make you question your reality – maybe they never said it after all? And the more they do, the more you begin to question your reality and accept theirs.
➤ They use everything you love as a weapon
They know how much you love, how much you value your identity. It's one of the first things they attack. They will make you feel guilty. They will tell you that you would have been a decent person if only you weren't...fill in the ellipsis with whatever you want. They attack your deepest foundations.
➤ They wear you down over time
This is one of the most insidious things about the "eclipse" - it takes place slowly and gradually. A lie here, a lie there, the occasional mocking comment...and things get wild. Even the most intelligent and independent minded people can be sucked into this maelstrom - that's how effective this technique is. In it, a person is like a frog that burns in a slow fire. She doesn't understand what's happening to her until it's too late.
➤ Actions don't match words
When dealing with a person or institution that uses this technique, watch what they do, not what they say. Words mean nothing. They are just stories. The question is what they do.
➤ They design
If they make a scene, drink or do drugs, cheat, etc., they will constantly accuse you of such behavior. This is done so often that you become defensive and thus divert your attention from the manipulator's problematic behavior.
The more aware you are of these techniques, the harder it will be to fall into the manipulator's trap.
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