How to protect yourself and stand up to the manipulator

    Manipulators are everywhere – at home, at school, at work. That is, wherever there are people. What tactics do they use? Some of them are bold and obvious, others are hidden and not so obvious:

Intimidation

    This is not a subtle or hidden way of manipulation, but a direct power approach. The main message of intimidation is, "If you don't do what I want, you'll regret it."

Imputing a sense of obligation

    The hidden message here is: You must! "You have to do what you are to be considered a good person. You must satisfy my needs. I have to..I have to... The idea behind these words is this: If you don't do what you "should" do, it means you're untrustworthy, mean, untrustworthy, and generally bad.

Sarcasm or sharp humor

    It comes in the form of a joke, and when you react and take offense, the manipulator excuses himself: “Ooh, you're too sensitive. What, don't you understand a joke?". The message that this phrase contains is clear and emphatic: Be what I want you to be, or I will do my best to destroy you with words.

Entering the role of victim

    These are the manipulators who constantly take advantage of their "victim's" compassion and assume the position of being desperate and abandoned by everyone when you give them any trouble (because you're a heartless scumbag, among other things).

    The message here is: If you want to not feel like a jerk, you have to do/be what the manipulator wants.

Heavy sighs / slamming doors / drumming fingers on the table / risky driving

    This manipulative technique is used to punish you. The main message for you when a loved one slams the door, is beside themselves with anger, or slams on the brakes is this: You do not live up to my expectations, but I will not speak directly to you, but express my contempt for you through my actions .

Imputation of guilt

    These are statements like, "Wow, how lucky you are!". Through guilt management, the manipulator knows exactly which "buttons" to push. If he senses that you're worried about becoming bad, he'll try to instill just that in you.

A sea of ​​courtesies

    This type of manipulator will try to bribe you with gifts and/or shower you with compliments. Beneath his ostentatious generosity is his desire to make you feel indebted. And if you don't reciprocate as expected, you will regret it very much.

Game of silence / pout / discontent

    These tactics are passive-aggressive punishment for something you've done. This is such an unpleasant and painful manipulation that the victim will do anything to avoid it.

Deliberate procrastination

    Have you ever looked forward to your partner? But he hesitates, procrastinates, does everything sluggishly and reluctantly.

    Then you probably dealt with a manipulator who wanted to control you and the situation, but in a hidden way.

    This list is not exhaustive and methods of manipulation are as varied as people. Suffice to say, manipulators can tailor their tactics to the particular person they are interacting with.

Why do manipulators manipulate? There are two main reasons for this:

➤ to control a relationship and/or situation;

➤ to avoid personal liability;

    If you find that someone is manipulating you, don't be discouraged - there are ways to protect yourself and take care of your own safety.

    There is one basic prerequisite to being a victim of manipulation: you need the approval of others. So being aware of this fact is a key point in your defense.

Stop needing someone else's approval. And don't let others judge you and define your self-worth.

    Any manipulation will only work if you allow it. Your handler has studied you and knows your weaknesses. He knows you want to appear caring, or generous, or self-sacrificing, etc. And it uses manipulation to exploit your weaknesses (and your strengths) to its advantage.

    The only way out is to stop worrying about the hidden meaning of the message the manipulator is trying to convey to you.

Here are some tactics that will help you reduce the manipulator's power over you:

➤ First you have to realize that the manipulator wants to control you and all manipulative tricks are actually control strategies.

➤ Don't try eand change your partner. Just let him be the manipulator if that's his desire. After all, you can't control another person any more than they can control you. Accept it and take it easy.

➤ Stop defending and justifying yourself. If you notice yourself getting defensive, make an effort to shut up and get out.

➤ Eliminate the manipulator's control over you. Stop meeting his demands.

    Be aware that the manipulator will use different methods to control you and be alert. As soon as you stop submitting to his usual methods and tactics, he will surely raise the stakes. Get ready for it.

    Don't try to please people. Allow others to be "disaffected" with you.

    Show firmness and do not give in to the pressure of others.

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