We have always suspected that NOT only sex is important to
most men. And our suspicion was confirmed.
It is estimated that men think about sex every seven
seconds, and during puberty even more often. And when they talk to a woman, it
is always with the back thought of how to get her into their bed. This notion
is so pervasive and so firmly embedded in our heads that when he doesn't want
to sleep with a woman, she asks herself, "Doesn't he find me
attractive?" Because we consider it "typically male" to have the
thought of sex constantly running through his mind.
It is high time that belief changed. It's not us saying it,
it's a man who should know better: Jed Diamond, 73, a psychiatrist, therapist –
and, no doubt, a man.
Diamond writes, "We often hear the phrase, 'Men just
want sex.' When I was 17, I was sure this was true. At 37, I already suspected
it might be wrong. Today, at the age of 73, I'm sure that's not true at
all."
A haven of peace instead of sex
The truth is that more than anything else, men seek security
and protection, a cozy home and a "calm harbor." It is this longing
that lies at the bottom of their desire to sleep with a woman.
Sex creates a sense of home and peace that goes far beyond
the limits of sexual satisfaction. It is a kind of rest and relief from the
race for achievement and the competitive struggle that men are forced to lead.
In reality, men can safely abstain from sex if they receive kindness and care
in return. One of the things they love the most is to lay their head on the lap
of their beloved woman and have her stroke their hair. No sex, but they still
have safe harbor. Here the question logically arises: Why then do we so rarely
hear from men sentences like: "I just want to cuddle tonight" or
"Just be next to me"?
Fear of not-masculinity
The answer is: Because one of the biggest fears of many men
(especially heterosexual men) is that they will look unmanly. In their opinion,
allowing themselves to be patronized and admitting that they only want
protection and security is not very manly.
But why do women often find it difficult to provide men with
the quiet harbor they cherish?
Because women are afraid of men who do not exude masculinity.
They know that men who are violent are because they feel weak and dependent.
Women desire a "masculine" partner because otherwise they would feel
like his mother and not his lover.
The good thing about this thesis is that it makes absolutely
no difference whether it is true or not. If we work on the underlying problem,
we can only win!
Because if fear - both in men and in women - is the main
reason for a man's sexual drive to be in the first place. And so he is denied
what he really desires.
The solution is simple: we all need a little more courage
for honesty and change, and more courage and belief in ourselves.
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