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What did I want from you, beloved? Where did you and I go wrong?
At the beginning, I will make a few clarifications. Instead of "I and you" or "she and he", it will be written - women and men.
Everything I write to you here is not my invention. You are reading my author's work. As a topic, it exists within the framework of the science of Psychology.
In some places, I have approached it with humor so that you don't get bored reading it. Please don't take it as a joke.
What follows applies and applies to both possibilities - in real life and in virtual, remote communication.
What is the difference between these two forms of communication?
In real life there is visual contact, there is physical contact (touching, holding hands, etc.) and free verbal expression - without limitation.
However, virtual communication is only verbal, that is, verbal, and it is limited.
Generally speaking, virtual communication requires more effort to get the same result as in real life.
I will try to describe everything in simple words, without scientific terms, so that you can understand it more easily.
I promise you, I will be objective when it comes to our correspondence, between you and me. And I expect you not to take it as a lack of tact on my part, that is, as an insult.
Until now, I have been tactful, I have not made serious remarks to you, I have not lectured you. I advised you.
In some places I will cite as examples cases from our communication.
What you are about to read is refracted through my eyes. I'm not a teenager though. And in recent years I have not lived as a nun in a monastery. I've told you another time.
Do you have an opinion on the matter? And comments? Let's start.
➤You must not be restrained in conversation
It applies to both real life and virtual communication.
When the man is silent, does not write, does not answer, and only the woman speaks or writes, she perceives his reservedness negatively. Because she interprets his silence as a lack of interest in her.
Even then, a door closes for you.
If there are objective reasons for this behavior of yours, they must be announced in advance, said, specified. This is correct and builds trust.
Tip: If you're not used to talking, practice at home when you're alone. Say your thoughts out loud, talk in front of the mirror. This difficulty must be overcome. It is useful for communication in general.
➤You must not show your disdainful attitude
Don't respond laconically to her messages. She writes a lot, a whole novel, describes everything in detail, and you are afraid of words. At worst, you don't even answer her. She immediately draws a conclusion for herself - he ignores me.
A similar thing happened to both of us. And very soon. You would only answer me with one word at a time - yes, no, ok, etc., or you wouldn't answer me at all.
But there is a reason for this, scientifically established.
It is known that men do not know how to express themselves well in writing. For that you have to work on yourself. Written words should not be like potatoes spilled from a basket and scattered, untidy. Separate them with commas, dashes and periods between sentences. Especially if they are in a foreign language. The woman will be lost in translation and will not understand you correctly. Misunderstandings happen, wrong conclusions are made on her part.
➤It is very important that you read what she writes to you
This is mandatory! There is something important to her in what she writes to you. Otherwise, he won't write it to you. There are expectations of you. He asks you questions, and you write an answer. Don't be dismissive.
If you don't like her stories, if you don't have time to read them and respond, it's better to stop communicating right away. I repeat, immediately! Do it, but politely and tactfully.
Here the second door closes in front of you.
And this happened to both of us - you wanted to tell me something, but you did not describe it well, in detail and correctly. I didn't understand it, you told me - "can you forget", I asked you "are you angry with me", etc. I don't want to describe our entire correspondence.
➤Every woman is emotionally overdeveloped
She experiences everything very deeply, perceives thousands of nuances and details that the male brain cannot see in any way.
Don't keep her waiting. You have to look for her first. Agree on a day and an approximate time when you will communicate, bearing in mind the possible time difference. If this arrangement is not there, she will look at the computer every 5 minutes to see if you are online. And her wrong conclusion will be: "He is not busy, he is not free for me." And she will feel neglected again.
And everything is very simple. Women don't really ask for much!
I mean real women, not ankle girls. Details are very important to women, the little details that men don't even realize when they do them.
Sometimes kind words - dear, you are beautiful, you look good, a wonderful photo, your hair is very nice, etc. - are worth much more to women than a gift. Women should court each other. To court!
That's why youI suggest you familiarize yourself with the things a real woman wants and expects from a man.
➤ FRIENDSHIP
If two people want to be together (short, long or forever) in real life, they need to be able to talk to each other. If the dialogue between them is missing, it means that they are unsuitable partners.
A woman only wants her partner to be understanding when she feels bad or when she has a problem. And a man should not consider only his desires and needs, not be selfish in this regard. Because the relationship between him and a woman is always two-sided.
You should care about the woman as much as you care about yourself.
Ask questions, ask for details, ask her to tell you everything. That's the only way you'll prove your friendship to her. And she will start to trust you.
➤ HONESTY
90% of relationships break up because of lies, which usually pile up and finally escalate into a breakup as the ultimate outcome. This is about real trust!
We won't talk about the lies between you and me. We will create a conflict. We've told each other enough lies.
Don't say there were no lies!
What do women really want?
Some want all they can have; Others want everything they can NOT have; Maybe they want what they are given, or what they are NOT given. And maybe they don't want anything.
All women, regardless of origin, race, nationality, ethnicity, religion, ambitions, wallet thickness, height, weight, want one thing - LOVE, and they are looking for it all their lives.
You have to understand what the woman wants against you. Thus, you will correctly choose how to express your attitude, your friendship, your sincerity.
And only then will you formulate your strategy, how to subdue her.
The truth is that most women's requests are extremely simple and completely incomprehensible to men. They, men, do not understand hints, and when women become direct, it seems to them that there is some kind of game. And then you ask: "Are you playing with me?". As you asked me.
Let's be clear, women are quite complex beings - emotional and full of contradictions, but that makes them unique and unrepeatable.
In real life, the greatest luxuries for a woman nowadays are attitude, kind word and attention.
But there are a few more things.
FIRST. Women don't like short men at all, so don't ever be short. If you are still short, know that you have to work three times harder to get a woman down. A man who is too tall is also not preferred by women. Don't be too tall because you'll look like a coat hanger and the woman is unlikely to use you for anything other than holding her coat. So forget about being too tall. The average height is too ordinary, and nobody likes ordinary men, women too.
In real life, women like to date men who are 20 cm taller than them. I didn't make this up. I am quoting a sociological survey that has been officially published.
I'll give you a personal example. I'm 178 cm tall, add another 2 cm from my hair and a few more centimeters from the heels of my shoes. There is also a standard for heels: dance shoes must have 7 cm heels. And how tall is my total height? 178+2+7=187 cm. A man with a height of 200 cm, or even more, is suitable for me. Where are these men?
To the other women, my Daniel seemed too tall. For me it was just right, straight out of a magazine.
I apologize for reminding you of this fact.
SECOND. Basically, women enjoy any muscular man. But at the end of the day, they don't want some ikebana who only eats oatmeal in skim milk and spends eight hours a day in the gym.
But if you're fat or out of shape, it's best to have money, although that doesn't always help either.
THIRD. If you think your beard is an asset, think again. For women, a three-day beard is sexy if it's on Brad Pitt's face, and for yours, I don't know, I haven't seen you.
Please don't argue with me here, war will break out!
But national characteristics must be respected. In some countries almost all men have beards. They suit them, they look good with them, but probably only for local women. For foreign women, I doubt it. I personally really like the "padlock" beard. But it does not suit all men.
(The above applies mainly to real life and you can ignore it.)
FOURTH. In real life, women like dexterous and proactive men. Those who fix the water heater with a phase meter in their mouth, while holding a hammer with their right hand and changing the car's oil with their left. However, if that's all you do, they might think you're simple and stupid. Never look simple and stupid. Women do not like harsh and uncouth men, for whom all the literature read in their life can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Therefore, in addition to the two busy hands, men also need a third hand, which during the repair of the water heater and the oil change of the car will hold a productof Shakespeare while Beethoven's Fifth Symphony plays on the radio.
In one sentence - practice your dexterity at home, but take time to read books and listen to music. Show interest in the preferences of the woman you are communicating with. That way it will be easier for you to prove that you are not neglecting her.
If you communicate with a woman remotely, as you communicated with me, you need to be prepared. I give you signals several times to prove this. I gave you jokers with the book "Chicken Soup for the Soul", with the Stevie Wonder song - "I'm calling to tell you that I love you", with the movie "Pretty Woman". Not a word from you about them.
Another door has closed for you here.
And you could have answered me like this: "The song is very nice and has a romantic text, but I haven't read the book. Will you tell me something about it?". With which you will prove that you answer everything you have already read from the beginning to here.
FIFTH. The rule that it does not matter what is done, but how it is done, also applies with full force.
A woman may not realize it, but she intuitively senses the man's feelings behind the romantic gesture. Men measure the gesture with money, and women measure it with the emotion they perceive. Besides, every woman perceives romance in her own way.
A tip for you: If you don't do something from the heart, personally for her, it's better not to do it at all.
SIXTH. Caution. Attention equals love. A person can show sincere attention only to the things that are important to him.
Many men consider women's activities and interests to be nonsense. And if they even bother to ask how they're doing, they ask their questions out of obligation.
To men: When you approach a woman with questions about her interests and activities, do it sincerely - if you don't do something from the heart, it's better not to do it.
And another example from our correspondence. I wrote you something, I told you, and you answered me: "I'm not here to read your stories".
Hop, close the next door for you.
SEVENTH. Sharing. Men consider strength and silence to be a sign of masculinity. To pound a fist on the table while remaining silent. And women consider emotional openness a sign of masculinity. Women are open and need an emotional connection. It's about full communication where everyone knows what's going on with the other.
Advice for you: Emotions are the way to a woman's heart (and everything else).
EIGHT. Respect. In fact, that's what women really want. Because it includes everything - attention, care, love, communication, genuine interest in the partner, friendship. Not to list everything.
Respect is respect for the whole personality of a person - regardless of whether he is a man or a woman. Every relationship between people rests on respect, acceptance and respect for the partner.
Advice for you: When you want a healthy relationship, accept the woman as an equal partner and give her the respect she deserves.
NINTH. Women have long earned the fame of unpredictable and wearable things, which can hardly be ignored. The things that women want from men are very often and in no case impossible to fulfill. Even in a large part of the cases, it is absolutely the things that men love about women.
Say something simple: "It's nice to be together and talk." But this is in order to melt the woman's heart.
But this is not possible if two souls have no common interests.
You and I have no common interests. Do you know what my interests are? I have shared some of them, but you probably don't remember. I started, but you didn't let me continue. And you haven't shared with me what yours are. You haven't told me anything about this.
But back to the topic. Even after closing the second door, your strategy to conquer a woman's heart is headed for failure. If you decide that nothing is lost yet, or it is lost, but you enjoy hanging out with her, keep courting her. Say hello in the morning, or at lunch, as you decide, in the evening ask how her day went. Until he fully trusts you.
I advise you to take notes. Because I'm sure you weave on several looms.
I hope you can guess what I'm hinting at. It will become a confusion and confusing situation.
You allowed two such situations with me. But I pretended not to notice them. I wanted to know how far you would go. And I understood.
All doors have long since closed for you, beloved.
Here I will repeat my favorite motto: "How did you fall in love with him? I don't know, we were talking..."
Nothing prevents us from remaining friends. Virtual friends. Let's write and share, support each other, motivate each other, correct each other.
If you were bothered by my love addresses "my dear", "beloved", know that they were just coming from my soul. They came to me somehow from inside.
It is.
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